function blagg()
{
var icki=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 6));

if (icki==0)
{
document.location="http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Estates/8189/"
}
if (icki==1)
{
document.location="http://www.inform.umd.edu/EdRes/Topic/AgrEnv/ndd/goat/"
}
if (icki==2)
{
document.location="http://www.sanrio.com/"
}
if (icki==3)
{
document.bgColor="orange";
alert("Orange Dreamsicle");
}
if (icki==4)
{
confirm("go somewhere else?");
alert("I refuse! YOU STAY!!");
}
if (icki==5)
{
var whoopi=prompt("Do you like yourself? (Y or N)", "");
if (whoopi=="Y")
{
document.bgColor="white";
alert("OH! How WONDERFUL!!");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
else
{
document.bgColor="red";
alert("INGRATE!!");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
}
}

function blaff()
{
var truee=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 6));

if (truee==0)
{
document.bgColor="blue"
alert("This color matches your thighs...eyes! EYES!!!");
alert("WHO AHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
if (truee==1)
{
document.bgColor="black";
alert("What is the meaning of it all?");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
if (truee==2)
{
var blobb=prompt("Who are you anyway?", "");

while (blobb=="")
{
alert("Come on, it's okay, who are you?");
blobb=prompt("Who are you anyway?", "");
}
alert("What do you want, " + blobb + "? Go Away.");
}
if (truee==3)
{
document.location="http://www.corg.org/"
}
if (truee==4)
{
document.images[3].src="hedgie.GIF"
alert("As the Hedgehog turns...");
}
if (truee==5)
{
document.bgColor="yellow"
alert("If you doubt yourself, others will also doubt you, except for those who already doubt you.");
alert("So I guess it doesn't matter in the end...");
alert("Never mind, sorry.");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
}

function plaff()
{
var philo=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 5));

if (philo==0)
{
document.write("<div align='center'><h1>PHILOSOPHY PAGE</h1><br><h2>This week: Quotes from The Ancient Wisdom of Aristople</h2><h3>If you dream, you will also seep</h3><br><h3>Only a fool keeps a scorpion in his pudding</h3><br><h3>Never talk to Spartans when you're despondent</h3><br><h3>If you fly with the kelp, be sure you embrace the golden crux</h3><br><h3>Catharsis is just vomiting without the acidic taste</h3><br><h3>A soft brain would not a snail possess in the equinox of fire</h3><br><h4>Source: \"The Portable Aristople\"(Vole Classics, 1964)</h4><br><a href='blugg.html'>Whooo!! Click on me!!! Whoooo!!</a></div>")
}
if (philo==1)
{
document.write("<div align='center'><h1>PHILOSOPHY PAGE</h1><br><h2>This week: Quotes from The Ancient Wisdom of Plotonopolis</h2><h3>Your armpits have souls</h3><br><h3>All very rich, landowning men of the correct type are equal</h3><br><h3>If you want to remember something, brand it on your left buttock</h3><br><h3>Place the magic plant on the fire and sink</h3><br><h3>There are 3 types of men: Ones like me, Everyone else, and Filthy  Lepers</h3><br><h4>Source: <i>Plotonopolis and His Friends</i>(BH Ruff & Assoc, 1955)</h4><br><a href='blugg.html'>Whooo!! Click on me!!! Whoooo!!</a></div>")
}
if (philo==2)
{
document.write("<div align='center'><h1>PHILOSOPHY PAGE</h1><br><h2>This week: Quotes from The Medieval Wisdom of Barkus Maximus</h2><h3>I never met a cherubin or Serafin I didn't like</h3><br><h3>The soul, like a sponge, has multiple orifices</h3><br><h3>Everything is one, and one is everything, except for that one thing...</h3><br><h3>If a man farteth badly, Satan hath inspired his deed; If a man farteth well, however, it is God</h3><br><h4>Source: <i>Time Past, Thank God!</i>(Dung & Brothers, 1967)</h4><br><a href='blugg.html'>Whooo!! Click on me!!! Whoooo!!</a></div>")
}
if (philo==3)
{
document.bgColor="brown";
alert("Stop denying yourself pleasure...");
alert("Breed more rodents.");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
if (philo==4)
{
document.bgColor="red";
alert("YOU FILTHY SELLOUT!");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
}

function addo()
{
var frogleg=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 4))

if (frogleg==0)
{
var palabra=prompt("Your favorite word or phrase?","");
var numero=prompt("how many times would you like to see it?","");
for (i=0;i<numero;i++)
{
document.write ("<div align='center'><h1>" +palabra + "</h1><br></div>");
}
document.write ("<a href='blugg.html'>volver ahora, squirrel...</a>");
}
if (frogleg==1)
{
document.location="http://www.geocities.com/stinkingstalker/firstpage.html";
}
if (frogleg==2)
{
document.location="http://www.mephitis.de/"
}
if (frogleg==3)
{
document.bgColor="red";
alert("COMMUNISM!!!");
alert("LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT!!!");
}
}

function yoll()
{
var pphht=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 5));

if (pphht==0)
{
document.location="http://www.mindspring.com/~tomc/cornbred.htm"
}
if (pphht==1)
{
document.location="http://volcano.und.nodak.edu/vwdocs/vwlessons/lessons/Slideshow/Igrocks/Igrock10.html"
}
if (pphht==2)
{
document.location="http://www.olympus.net/dggordon/EatABug.htm"
}
if (pphht==3)
{
document.bgColor="green";
alert("Isn't this MYSTERIOUS?!?");
alert("Oooohhhhh...");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
if (pphht==4)
{
document.bgColor="yellow";
alert("The Gods of Olympus are watching!!!!");
document.bgColor="black";
alert("Hades awaits all who think too freely!!");
document.bgColor="brown";
alert("Act dumb...");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
}

function rolf()
{
var raag=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 3));

if (raag==0)
{
document.location="http://www.tcinternet.net/users/ewomack/milking.html"
}
if (raag==1)
{
document.location="http://www.aros.net/~bbyard/";
}
if (raag==2)
{
document.bgColor="lightblue";
alert("PRETTY PRETTY!!!");
}
}

function whaaa(fun)
{
window.status=fun;
}

function whaag(fun)
{
window.status=fun;
}

function tedknight()
{
var yiii=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 3));

if (yiii==0)
{
document.location="http://www.chillybeach.com/"
}
if (yiii==1)
{
document.write("<div align='center'><img src='maaaam.gif'><h1>Moooooom!!!!!</h1><br><a href='blugg.html'>Bluu</a></div>");
}
if (yiii==2)
{
alert("How hairy is hairy?");
alert("Very hairy. HAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!");
alert("That was funny.");
}
}

function bueno()
{
document.write("<div align='center'><h2>¡Esta un página diversíon mejor en todo la internet! ¿De Acuerdo?</h2><br><br><img src='bueno01.gif'><br><br><input type='button' value='¡sí!' onClick=document.location='blugg.html'></div>");
}

function amarillo()
{
var geoff=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 3));

if (geoff==0)
{
alert("Lanza tus padres es no bueno.");
alert("Entonces, ¿por que hacerlo?");
}
if (geoff==1)
{
document.location="./caesar.html";
}
if (geoff==2)
{
alert("A thousand ships could not the beauty of Helen be against!");
}
}

function sushi()
{
var yummy=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 5));

if (yummy==0)
{
document.location="http://www.spacetown.ne.jp/ccomm/sushiaza/index.htm"
}
if (yummy==1)
{
document.location="http://www.tv-asahi.co.jp/sushi/uranai/"
}
if (yummy==2)
{
document.location="http://ruma.execweb.cx/yukipachi.htm"
}
if (yummy==3)
{
document.location="http://www.t3.rim.or.jp/~toshiya/p4/p4.html#anchor1447781"
}
if (yummy==4)
{
document.bgColor="green";
alert("Sushi sushi sushi starts with \"S\"");
}
}

function boof()
{
alert("Rub your shin a little and it turns this color:");
document.bgColor="pink";
alert("Keep rubbing and it will turn this color:")
document.bgColor="red"
alert("THE COLOR OF SEEPING BLOOD!");
}

function lalalala()
{
document.location="http://www.smurf.com/homepage.html"
}
function idiot()
{
biff=prompt("Who are you?", "");
wiff=prompt("what is your favorite number?", "");
alert(biff + ", you have " + wiff + " butts.");
alert("It is true, " + biff + ". You had better check.....NOW!!");
}
function blugg()
{
document.bgColor="tan";
alert("Darkness surrounds you...");
document.bgColor="black";
alert("Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh");
}

function butto()
{
alert("How many white guys does it take to stuff a moose?");
var ans=prompt("Guess how many!","");
if (ans <=10)
{
alert("Whoa! You think white guys are smart!!");
}
else if (ans >=100)
{
alert("How dumb do you think white guys are?");
}
else
{
alert("Who really knows? Probably a lot, I don't know.");
}
}

function monster()
{
document.location="http://www.tcinternet.net/users/ewomack/peneater.html"
}

function worg()
{
var worgy=(Math.floor(Math.random()*2));

if (worgy==0)
{
document.write("<div align='center'><h1>HI KIDS!!!!</h1><br><img src='beerg.gif'><br><h1>BE MY FRIEND!!!! HI!!!</h1><br><a href='blugg.html'>Here! Here!</a></div>");
}
if (worgy==1)
{
vind=window.open("AuugH!","vind","width=100, height=50,top=100,left=150");
vind.document.open();
vind.document.write("<div align='center'><h1>KISS</h1><br>");

kind=window.open("WahJ!","kind","width=100,height=50,top=130,left=250");
kind.document.open();
kind.document.write("<div align='center'><h1>MY</h1></div>");

aind=window.open("bllpph!","aind","width=250,height=50,top=150,left=350");
aind.document.open();
aind.document.write("<div align='center'><h1>SARTORIOUS</h1></div>");
}
}

function whoip()
{
var woip=new Array("white","black","red","blue","orange","yellow","white","green","tan","white","black","red","orange","green","blue","orange","white","black","tan","white","green","blue","red","orange","black","yellow","orange","white","black","tan")
for (i=0;i<=30;i++)
{
document.bgColor=woip[i]
}
}
function hamlet()
{
var yous=prompt("What is your name, plebian?","");
alert("To be or not to be, " + yous + ". That is the question, " + yous + ". Whether 'tis nobler, " + yous + ", in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, " + yous + ". Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, " + yous + ". And by opposing end them? To die, " + yous + ": to sleep, " + yous + ";No more, " + yous + "; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks, " + yous + ". That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation, " + yous + ", devoutly to be wish'd. To die, " + yous + ", to sleep, " + yous + ";To sleep, " + yous + ": perchance to dream, " + yous + ": ay, " + yous + ", there's the rub, " + yous + "; For in that sleep of death, " + yous + ", what dreams may come, " + yous + ", when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, " + yous + ", must give us pause, " + yous + ": there's the respect, " + yous + ", that makes calamity of so long life, " + yous + "; For who would bear the whips, " + yous + ", and scorns of time, " + yous + ", the oppressor's wrong, " + yous + ", the proud man's contumely, " + yous + ", the pangs of despised love, " + yous + ", the law's delay, " + yous + ", the insolence of office and the spurns, " + yous + ", that patient merit of the unworthy takes, " + yous + ", when he himself might his quietus, " + yous + ", make with a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear, " + yous + ", to grunt and sweat under a weary life, " + yous + ", but that the dread of something after death, " + yous + ", the undiscover'd country from whose bourn, " + yous + ", no traveller returns, " + yous + ", puzzles the will and makes us rather bear those ills, " + yous + ", we have than fly to others that we know not of, " + yous + "? Thus conscience does make cowards of us all, " + yous + "; And thus the native hue of resolution, " + yous + ", is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought, " + yous + ", and enterprises of great pith, " + yous + ", and moment With this regard their currents turn awry, " + yous + ", and lose the name of action. " + yous + ", Soft you now! The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons Be all, " + yous + ", your sins remember'd.");
}
function zap()
{
document.write("<div align='center'><h1>Poetry Corner</h1><br><h2>Nuthin\'</h2><br>Nuthin\'<br>\'swat I got<br>Big lotta nuthin\'<br>\'snot what I want<br>You got somthun\'<br>I know you does<br>Gimmee it now<br>So I won\'t have nuthin\'<br><br><br><a href='blugg.html'>Return, now, my friend</a>");
}
function whoof()
{
document.location="http://www4.big.or.jp/~fe-tetsu/"
}

function aaack()
{
var fuff=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 4));

if (fuff==0)
{
alert("Aaaack");
}
if (fuff==1)
{
alert("Blaaack!");
}
if (fuff==2)
{
alert("Raaaalllppphh!");
}
if (fuff==3)
{
alert("Flllaaaagggghhhh!");
}
}

function huck()
{
var tweep=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 4));

if (tweep==0)
{
document.bgColor="pink";
}
if (tweep==1)
{
document.location="http://bensguide.gpo.gov/benfranklin/index.html";
}
if (tweep==2)
{
alert("Your intestines may already be growing longer!");
}
if (tweep==3)
{
document.bgColor="white";
}
}

function ohwhatfun()
{
var phuff=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 5));

if (phuff==0)
{
document.write("<div align='center'><h1>A Nice Message from CLEENBROX!!</h1><br><h3>Are your intestines dirty?</h3><br><h3>Why not brush them clean with CLEENBROX?</h3><br><h3>Just look at the difference!</h3><br><table border=0><tr><td><b>BEFORE</b></td><td><b>AFTER</b></td></tr><tr><td><img src='bef.gif'></td><td><img src='aft.gif'></td></tr></table><h2>LOOK!!! Anyone can do it!! Ask your boss for information!!!</h2><br><a href='blugg.html'>Volver</a>")
}
if (phuff==1)
{
document.write("<div align='center'><h1>Poor Dragon Man</h1><br><img src='dragguy.gif'><br><h1>had an accident</h1><br><a href='blugg.html'>Volver</a>");
}
if (phuff==2)
{
document.write("<div align='center'><h1>Infinite Misery Squared</h1><br><h3>Boom! Boom! BOOM!</h3><br><h3>Crash! Bang! Explode!</h3><br><h3>Scream! Yelp! Owch!</h3><br><h3>I SAID OUCH!!!!</h3><br><h3>Ow Ow ow OW! OWWW! Ow Ow OWWW!!! ow!</h3><br><h3>Augh! Yow!</h3><br><h3>When will it end, my fellow Americans?</h3><br><br><a href='blugg.html'>Volver</a>");
}
if (phuff==3)
{
document.write("<div align='center'><h1>Lookout! Alien Invasion!!</h1><br><img src='erg.gif'><br><a href='blugg.html'>Volver</a></div>");
}
if (phuff==4)
{
document.write("<div align='center'><img src='arrgh.gif'><br><a href='blugg.html'><b>Aaargh!</b></a></div>");
}
}

function wowo()
{
var whatsit=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 4));

if (whatsit==0)
{
document.location="http://www.hiropon-factory.com/webmaga/artist/morioka/girl/01/index.html"
}
if (whatsit==1)
{
document.bgColor="gray";
}
if (whatsit==2)
{
document.bgColor="yellow"
}
if (whatsit==3)
{
var teep=prompt("Your favorite word or phrase?","");
var teepi=prompt("how many times would you like to see it?","");
for (i=0;i<teepi;i++)
document.write ("<div align='center'><h1>" + teep + "</h1><br></div>");
document.write ("<a href='blugg.html'>Return to your roots, hedgehog...</a>")
}
}

function hateyou()
{
buttcount++;

if (buttcount==1)
{
window.document.wucka.button29.value="DON'T CLICK ME FOOL!!!";
}
if (buttcount==2)
{
window.document.wucka.button29.value="STOP CLICKING ME!!!!";
}
if (buttcount==3)
{
window.document.wucka.button29.value="I SAID STOP CLICKING ME!!!";
}
if (buttcount==4)
{
window.document.wucka.button29.value="FOR THE LAST TIME!!!";
}
if (buttcount >= 5  && buttcount <= 10)
{
window.document.wucka.button29.value="I HATE YOU!!!";
}
if (buttcount >=11 && buttcount <=15)
{
window.document.wucka.button29.value="LAST WARNING!!";
}
if (buttcount >=16)
{
document.location="http://kfcplainfield.com/tv/tooclose.html"
}
}

function frog()
{
document.write("<div align='center'><img src='faroutfrog.gif'><br><embed src='frog3.wav' autostart='true' hidden='true' loop='false'></embed><br><h2>Far Out</h2><br><a href='blugg.html'>Return! Oh grand traveler!</a>");
}

function crapper()
{
var bowls=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 3));

if (bowls==0)
{
document.location="http://www.thomascrapper.co.uk/default.htm"
}
if (bowls==1)
{
document.location="http://www.geocities.com/RodeoDrive/1093/Thomas_Crapper.html"
}
if (bowls==2)
{
document.location="http://www.jldr.com/crapper.htm"
}
}

function bockbock()
{
var carcar=(Math.floor(Math.random()*2));

if (carcar==0)
{
document.location="./gallo.html";
}
if (carcar==1)
{
document.location="http://homepage1.nifty.com/warateru/kahauso.htm"
}
}

function historyrepeats()
{
alert("You are a brave hamster facing the evil vole's lair. You approach the entrance to the lair - slowly you smell the vile stench of vole. You are armed with a sword and a bag of manure. Somewhere in the laberintine tunnels your love lies, smothered in the filth of voles. You have never been so full of bile. It fills your throat and makes you want to heave. You must find your love and defeat the evil vole.");
var move1=prompt("Do you accept the challenge (Y or N)?", "Y");

if (move1=="N" || move1=="")
{
alert("What a weiner.");
document.location="blugg.html";
}
else if (move1=="Y")
{
alert("YOU ARE A BRAVE HAMSTER!!");
alert("You are inside the cave of the voles. You have never faced anything so gross. You turn to your left and vomit in a pile of filth. Your love fills your mind and your stamina recovers. Suddenly, a vole runs towards you screaming, sword in hand. It aims to kill.");
var move2=prompt("Will you fight (Y or N)?", "");
}
if (move2=="N" || move2=="")
{
alert("You flee with what little tail you have between your legs. Your love is lost and probably vole feed. What a weiner.");
document.location="blugg.html";
}
else if (move2=="Y")
{
var fight1=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 4));

if (fight1==0)
{
alert("The vole buries it's sword deep in your innards. You are hurting. As you slowly die you realize that the vole has poured hollandiase sauce on you and has begun to eat. Hopefully your love cannot see. Oblivion awaits...");
document.location="blugg.html";
}
if (fight1==1)
{
alert("Valiantly your sword finds its mark and the vole screams in agony as every one of its organs spills out before you slowly. With its last breath, it looks at you and says \"Vile Beast! Turn back! You suck!\" You, however, will not turn back, BRAVE HAMSTER!");
}
if (fight1==2)
{
alert("Adroitly tossing your manure, you hit the vole dead on on the top of the head. The vole\'s brains spill from its mouth as it curses your existence. VICTORY IS SWEET! ONWARD BRAVE HAMSTER!!");
}
if (fight1==3)
{
alert("The vole suffers cardiac arrest as it gazes on your magnificence. Without raising your sword nor throwing your manure you have defeated the vile bastard. VICTORY! MOVE ONWARDS NOBLE HAMSTER!");
}
}
}

function fabbutt()
{
mensaje=new Array()
mensaje[0]="phhhhtttt!!!!!";
mensaje[1]="Good Lord!";
mensaje[2]="Don't interrupt your father!";
mensaje[3]="You'll get a good whackin'";
mensaje[4]="Stop torturing that clown!!";
mensaje[5]="Untie that priest!!";
mensaje[6]="¿Siempre estas gritando?";
mensaje[7]="Once there was a nice boy who never bit anyone and always ate with his mouth closed and never spread infectous diseases - except once when he gave typhoid to a sparrow - and never wiped his nose on his sock nor did he inflate paper bags and give senior citizens major arterial thromboses nor did he sit in a way that suggested he was about to be flatulent or do anything gross whatsoever. The End.";

var bluhg=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 8));

window.document.wucka.button33.value=mensaje[bluhg];
}

function fabbutt2()
{
mensajes=new Array()
mensajes[0]="Don't spank the gravy!";
mensajes[1]="Wait until your nanny goes berserk!";
mensajes[2]="Your Waffle-thin sieve memory!";
mensajes[3]="Flay it don't spay it!!!";

var bluhgg=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 4));

window.document.wucka.button33.value=mensajes[bluhgg];
}

function rabid()
{
//
}

function hogswitch1()
{
var hoggie=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 3))

if (hoggie==0)
{
document.images[1].src="hedgie2.GIF"
document.images[3].src="hedgie.GIF"
}
if (hoggie==1)
{
document.images[1].src="hedgie.GIF"
document.images[3].src="hedgie.GIF"
}
if (hoggie==2)
{
document.images[1].src="hedgie2.GIF"
document.images[3].src="hedgie2.GIF"
}
}

function hogswitch2()
{
document.images[1].src="hedgie.GIF"
document.images[3].src="hedgie2.GIF"
}

function ohyeah()
{
var freed=new Array();
for (i=0;i<33;i++)
{
window.document.wucka.button1.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button2.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button3.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button4.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button5.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button6.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button7.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button8.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button9.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button10.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button11.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button12.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button13.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button14.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button15.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button16.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button17.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button18.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button19.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button20.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button21.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button22.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button23.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button24.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button25.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button26.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button27.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button28.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button29.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button30.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button31.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button32.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button33.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button34.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button35.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button36.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button37.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button38.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button39.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button40.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button41.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button42.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button43.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button44.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button45.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button46.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button47.value="Oh My";
window.document.wucka.button48.value="Oh My";
}
}

function pretty()
{
var luffy=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 3))

if (luffy==0)
{
document.bgColor="orange";
alert("Pretty!!")
document.bgColor="pink";
alert("VERY Pretty!!");
document.bgColor="green";
alert("Ooooh! So PRETTY!");
document.bgColor="yellow";
alert("PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY!!!");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
if (luffy==1)
{
document.bgColor="brown";
alert("DISTURBING!");
document.bgColor="gray";
alert("MOROSE!")
document.bgColor="black";
alert("OBLIVION!!!");
}
if (luffy==2)
{
document.bgColor="green"
alert("Yah, sure...");
document.bgColor="white";
alert("Uh-huh - You heard that too?");
document.bgColor="blue";
alert("SHUTUP!!");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
}

function porky()
{
var whoogee=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 4));

if (whoogee==0)
{
document.location="http://www.dilop.pt/ingles/psuino.html"
}

if (whoogee==1)
{
document.location="http://www.cycleboy.com/jpizza/ftb.html"
}
if (whoogee==2)
{
document.location="http://library.thinkquest.org/J0113406/TQ1/Devlin%20c./Fang.html"
}
if (whoogee==3)
{
document.location="http://hamsterrepublic.com/dyn/main"
}
}

function ohmygod()
{
var frippi=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 4));

if (frippi==0)
{
document.images[1].src="hedgehogyell2.gif";
document.images[2].src="hedgehogyell.gif";
}

if (frippi==1)
{
document.bgColor="black";
alert("JOKE OF THE CENTURY!!!!");
alert("What did the baker say to the bricklayer?");
alert("Guessed yet?");
alert("No?");
alert("Any ideas?");
alert("Huh?");
alert("I'm sure you know by now");
alert("wanna take a guess?");
var respuesta=prompt("Enter your guess","");
alert(" \"" + respuesta + "\" " + "That's right!");
document.bgColor="tan";
}

if (frippi==2)
{
document.location="http://www.geocities.com/athens/atlantis/1559/stupidsigns/pumpkin1.jpg";
}

if (frippi==3)
{
var agey=prompt("How old are you, buddy?","");

if (agey >= 0 && agey <= 25)
{
document.bgColor="yellow";
alert("Whoo! A spring chicken!!! Bock bock!!");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
if (agey >= 26 && agey <= 40)
{
document.bgColor="orange";
alert("You're probably wondering what it's all about...");
alert("But you're still able to have some fun...");
alert("Maybe...");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
if (agey >= 41 && agey <= 60)
{
document.bgColor="blue";
alert("Thoughts of mortality and oblivion have probably crossed your mind...");
alert("But you're not too worried");
alert("Yet...");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
if (agey >= 61 && agey <= 80)
{
document.bgColor="brown";
alert("You're probably wondering what that was all about...");
alert("And you realize that you'll never have a clue...");
alert("But everything\'s still pretty cool.");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
if (agey >= 81 && agey <= 105)
{
document.bgColor="black";
alert("THE GRAVE AWAITS!!!");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
if (agey > 105)
{
document.bgColor="black";
alert("You're either Moses or a filthy liar.");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
}
}

function ruppo()
{
var medicoman=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 3));

if (medicoman==0)
{
document.location="http://www.drpeppermuseum.org/acb2/showdetl.cfm?&DID=6&Product_ID=17&CATID=3"
}

if (medicoman==1)
{
var wrung=prompt("Come on, buddy... Guess a number 1 to ten","");

	if (wrung < 0 || wrung >10)
	{
	alert("A NUMBER FROM ONE TO TEN YOU DOLT!!!");
	}
	if (wrung==0)
	{
	alert("Zero!! You DOLT!!! You're done!!");
	document.location="www.yahoo.co.jp";
	}
	if (wrung==1)
	{
	alert("How obvious. What a dolt.")
	}
	if (wrung==2)
	{
	alert("¿DOS? What a typical guess for a dolt");
	}
	if (wrung==3)
	{
	alert("THREE - that's about your IQ - DOLT!!");	
	}
	if (wrung==4)
	{
	alert("Is that the amount of brain cells you have - DOLT!!!");
	}
	if (wrung==5)
	{
	alert("Everyone guesses 5 you big dolt.");
	}
	if (wrung==6)
	{
	alert("Six rhymes with something that tells me what a DOLT you are.");
	}
	if (wrung==7)
	{
	alert("Seven is usually lucky unless you're a DOLT like you!!!");
	}
	if (wrung==8)
	{
	alert("Remember when you were 8? You were already a DOLT!!!");
	}
	if (wrung==9)
	{
	alert("Who are you?!? John Lennon?!!? DOLT!");
	}
	if (wrung==10)
	{	
	alert("Sure, yeah, brilliant. The dolts who don't guess 5 the first time guess 10.");
	}
}

if (medicoman==2)
{
myWind=window.open("Whoooo!","MyWind","width=120,height=150")
myWind.document.open();
myWind.document.write("<font color='red'><h1><b>I love potty humor.</b></h1></font>");
}
}

function bloob()
{
var blooby=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 2));

if (blooby==0)
{
vind=window.open("AuugH!","vind","width=160, height=160");
vind.document.open();
vind.document.write("<div align='center'><h1>BONUS BUTTON!</h1><br>");
vind.document.write("<input type='button' value='BONUS!'>");
}
if (blooby==1)
{
document.location="http://www.twinkiesproject.com/";
}
}

function eemail()
{
document.location="./guesties.html";
}

function waitasec()
{
var buddywhee=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 2));

if (buddywhee==0)
{
alert("Wait for it!");
document.location="scroll.html";
}
if (buddywhee==1)
{
document.write("<div align='center'><h1>ART</h1></div>");
document.write("<div align='center'><img src='art04.gif' alt='puckered neon viaje'></div>");
document.write("<div align='center'><h2>For the NOW generation</h2></div>");
}
}

function gunk()
{
var wormy=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 2));

if (wormy==0)
{
document.bgColor="orange";
alert("It's a shallow mind that can't see the horse through the glue");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
if (wormy==1)
{
document.write("<div align='center'><h1>ART</h1></div>");
document.write("<div align='center'><img src='art05.gif' alt='puckered neon viaje'></div>");
document.write("<div align='center'><h2>For the NOW generation</h2></div>");
}
}

function hitnow()
{
var ruppi=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 2));

if (ruppi==0)
{
document.bgColor="brown";
alert("Ask the next 3 people you see for a dollar and hit ok.");
earn=prompt("How much did you make in dollars?","");
if (earn==0)
{
alert("That SUCKS!!! You can't even make a buck!! Go AWAY!!");
}
if (earn==1)
{
alert("Only a dollar?! Your breath must be awful or you're incredibly unattractive.");
}
if (earn==2)
{
alert("Second Placers are never winners - they\'re \"almost-ers\"");
}
if (earn==3)
{
alert("Whoa! I have a job for you!!!!");
}
if (earn < 0 || earn > 3)
{
alert("The directions were quite simple, idiot!!!");
}
document.bgColor="tan";
}

if (ruppi==1)
{
document.write("<div align='center'><h1>ART</h1></div>");
document.write("<div align='center'><img src='art03.gif' alt='art'></div>");
document.write("<div align='center'><h2>For the NOW generation</h2></div>");
}
}

function ur()
{
var whoop=new Array();
whoop[0]="You're not the culmination of the human race.";
whoop[1]="Many will come after you and laugh.";
whoop[2]="The last generation of humans will be the most haughty.";
whoop[3]="Get fit, eat well, think right and die anyway.";
whoop[4]="Fight someone, fight yourself.";
whoop[5]="Presumptuousness is fun.";
whoop[6]="Buy everything until you feel better.";
whoop[7]="The light of creation had nothing to do with you.";
whoop[8]="The journey: life. The prize: oblivion.";
whoop[9]="The disease is the cure makes the most sense.";
whoop[10]="Hit someone they hit you back. Homeostatsis is restored.";

var bruja=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 11));
document.bgColor="green";
alert(whoop[bruja]);
document.bgColor="tan";
}

function cough()
{
var bleeboi=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 2));

if (bleeboi==0)
{
document.bgColor="blue";
alert("well dressed frog");
aind=window.open("bllpph!","aind","width=240,height=227,top=290,left=150");
aind.document.open();
aind.document.write("<div align='center'><img src='frog3.gif'></div>");

kind=window.open("WahJ!","kind","width=239,height=251,top=10,left=395");
kind.document.open();
kind.document.write("<div align='center'><img src='frog2.gif'></div>");

dind=window.open("bllpph!","dind","width=231,height=227,top=290,left=395");
dind.document.open();
dind.document.write("<div align='center'><img src='frog4.gif'></div>");

vind=window.open("AuugH!","vind","width=239, height=251,top=10,left=150");
vind.document.open();
vind.document.write("<div align='center'><img src='frog1.gif'><br>");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
if (bleeboi==1)
{
document.write("<div align='center'><h1>ART</h1></div>");
document.write("<div align='center'><img src='art01.gif' alt='art'></div>");
document.write("<div align='center'><h2>For the NOW generation</h2></div>");
}
}

function moonmountain()
{
var bloop=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 3));

if (bloop==0)
{
document.location="http://www.cjnetworks.com/~cubsfan/conspiracy.html";
}
if (bloop==1)
{
document.location="http://www.westword.com/extra/conspire.html";
}
if (bloop==2)
{
document.location="http://www.winkingjesus.com/";
}
}

function jeffbailey()
{
var bailey=(Math.floor(Math.random() * 2));

if (bailey==0)
{
document.location="http://www.poopyjoe.com/";
}
if (bailey==1)
{
document.write("<div align='center'><h1>ART</h1></div>");
document.write("<div align='center'><img src='art02.gif' alt='art'></div>");
document.write("<div align='center'><h2>For the NOW generation</h2></div>");
}
}

function urp()
{
var urggg=(Math.floor(Math.random()*2));

if (urggg==0)
{
document.write("<div align='center'><img src='sluggo.gif' alt='Your new best friend'></div>");
}
if (urggg==1)
{
document.location="hedgiedrift.html";
}
}

function firm()
{
wusscount++;

if (wusscount <=3)
{
document.bgColor="blue";
alert("Not Firm Enough!!!!");
document.bgColor="tan";
}
if (wusscount >=3)
{
document.bgColor="blue";
alert ("what are you... a WUSSS?!?!");
wusscount=0;
document.bgColor="tan";
}
}